View Full Version : Global Warming????????????????????

02-16-2003, 11:32 PM
The Scientists say we are going thru a period of Global Warming.haha ;D

On chat, I was kidding April about her lovely Vancooler ( Go North--Make a left turn at the igloo and you're there! ) I underestimated her capabilities. Well I should have backed off before reminding her that $40 USD translates to approximately $12,529 Canuck Bucks. But noooooooooooooooo, I was on a roll ( not a Kaiser! ) and had to keep it up! I didn't heed the warning and after all--one cannot see the steam coming out of April's ears on the monitor. :-[

April said Yeah--Funnyman! We got our Birkenstocks and Plaid Knickers with our Muskrat hat with bungy cord mittens fashioned from goat tails accessorized with Otter eyes
( Those Vancoolerites use the entire animal and don't waste anything! ) but that is no raeson to constantly bash us.

Well, the Vancouver Witch Project is a very real phenomena! This weekend, in what is historically a mild mannered climate ( Maryland ) rivals all the snow in Buffalo!
Friday we started out with what the fake smile, bottle blond,
Tooth implanted, refugee from porn, beady eyed vacuum brained wench with cubic zirconia filled fingers reading from a teleprompter said we are experiencing a wintry mix. Yeah--how about that April? Sticking pins in the Joe Voodoo Doll??? --instigating the arthritic kneecaps with Sleet and freezing rain? Nice--I am impressed with your improvisational activities! Saturday it was much cooler--we got 4" of snow over the ice.

I fell down and busted my a$$ attempting to retrieve the paper that was under my van. Thanks Delivery Boy!!!! :-\ for the embedded gravel in my forehead! I got up went to the front door of my house--guess what? I locked myself out!! So I kicked the door and hurt my foot. Coincidence--I think not! Then I went through the garage which was open, but April also took pleasure in another surprise for Joe. The door adjoining the fishroom from the garage was stuck. Who didnt't know that? So far--my life has been a living hell today anyway ( April is relentless ) and it is still early! The damn door was stuck---I taught the door a lesson by yanking on it abruptly--and it opened--very quickly! It smacked me in the forehaed area( further embedding the gravel ) and blood was now gushing! I walked through the fishroom--and the fish even seemed apathetic!

Sunday---14 inches of additional snow so far---and now back to the sleet. It has been a fun filled weekend and I am confident April is behind it! No more quips about Vancooler, April---now will you call off the dogs--please honey? :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*No more calling Labatts--Fallsflat---no more stupid inuendos. Hell they even called off church or I would have hired the Exorcist. Nothing but nice things from your humble servant April! Stop stirring your cauldren. I promise to buy you an Oreck Vacuum to replce the broom you fly around on ! Oops--I didn't mean it--that was a slip of the tongue--Pril baby! ;D ;D ;D

I'm down on my luck and my knobby knees---Joe :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*

P.S. I love you no BS!!! :-* :-*

02-17-2003, 12:10 AM
LMAO!!!! LOL. JOe. ok....you really deserve that.....
well we have your nice mild weather here...
i may need that power vacuum broom..after all my wetvac torched on. does it also suck water out of empty tanks ready to accept shiny new fishies?
you can have your sun back...as long as you dont send that snow up here.
will you be needing me to send you a flappy hat down there and some mukluks?

02-17-2003, 04:59 AM
April Scissorhands--dearest,
Thank you for taking the time from your daily hexing to be so considerate by offering the razor blade filled mukluks. But I think I'll pass. I have been drifting in and out of conscientiousness for awhile ..abit disorientated and somewhat delirious now...I heard voices saying, "Don't go to the light" and had an out of body experience. Transcendental meditation! It is so nice of you to feel my pain--even when I am convinced you inflicted it upon me!! I was constantly reminded at Catholic Elementary school ( Our Lady of Eternal Flagellance ) by Sister Mary Terminator to be kind to our Northern Neighbors in Vancooler but I was busy dropping my pencil for a peep shot. Perversion runs in the family. Groping is an everyday event! The mug shots are not a good representation.The lighting cast a pall on my bad side( not that I have a good side! )

April, rest assured...do not worry about me! The bleeding has somewhat subsided--and the superficial wound eight inches wide only required 38 stitches !! ;D ;D ;D ;D
( thats 79 in Canadian stitches! ) and the doctor said I am only two quarts low! I hate when that happens!

Looking on the bright side--the tolerance level is dropping and 1 beer and I'm there!!!!! Joe ;D

Hic! good Nite Hic! Buuurpppppppppppppp----Ack MMMfph---Blat, Damn!!! Belch! Bonk! Wheres the styptic powder--my dew claws were cut too short! Aw man!!

02-17-2003, 08:16 AM
Joe, ive told you how many times now......... dont drink the bong water!!!!!!!!!
Your friend, Matt

02-17-2003, 09:18 AM
Pril look at the brighter side.. The PVBroom will serve nicely as a temporary car-car... Just think no buses. :D

Joe as far as you....... Pril has sent me a Joe VooDoo Doll as well... That too will serve nicely at ACA03.... ;D ;D ;D :P

Enjoy your snow.... Heck I heard you all got up to 25" (105" Canadian) up there..... Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee 8)

02-17-2003, 09:50 AM
April, 79 canadian stiches is about 95 aussie stiches........right???

02-17-2003, 10:34 AM
I fell down and busted my a$$ attempting to retrieve the paper that was under my van. Thanks Delivery Boy!!!! for the embedded gravel in my forehead!

Joe, YOU of all people leaving yourself open for this! OMG, I hope I don't live to regret this...I am getting a shippment of fish from you soon, BUT...

You butsed your *** and embedded gravel in your forhead?

Exactly how long has your head been in your ***? :P

Love you :-*, Liz

02-17-2003, 11:01 AM
I love it......

It's almost painful to read some of these post..... I swear I'm going to have to cover my keyboard and monitor in plastic for all the coffee I waste

02-17-2003, 11:42 AM
Yes...Rod that's about the right conversion for the stitches. lol.
JULZ!!!! and for anyone else who has heard about my car-car.....i don't need joes electric broom....as i just got a "new to me" CAR!!!!!
all the bad karma is now down in Maryland...and good karma is now coming to April!!!! ;D :thumbsup:
oh...and also many cute little fry now popping up on every cone .!!!!!! :fish:
I think this all came from investing in a joe voodoo doll! maybe you should all get one!!
this could turn into one of those infomercial posts...for joe voodoo dolls. only....19.95 tax and shipping included. make that usd funds. :o just send to Aprils paypal account. it will pay for my new yellow crystals that are already enroute...before the snow started in maryland! they got out of there just in time....before the voodoo doll took effect.

02-17-2003, 08:02 PM
Yes now you can get your very own Sponge Joe Doll!

$9.95 S&H included.

02-17-2003, 08:04 PM
See Sponge Joe watch over your fish!

02-17-2003, 08:05 PM
See Sponge JOE get totally screwed up?

Hey who did that to him???? April?

02-17-2003, 08:07 PM
See Sponge JOE swimming with the fish!

02-17-2003, 08:08 PM
Yes it is true

Sponge JOE can even be used as extra filtration for your tank!

But will the poor fish ever get used to him?

02-17-2003, 08:32 PM
Oh no... I have to get myself one of those SpongeJoes.... Can we order other SpongePeople, like maybe a SpongeApril or a SpongeJulz?


02-17-2003, 10:09 PM
OMG my poor fish :'(


02-17-2003, 11:43 PM
Liz, According to some others---I have had my head up my a$$ for some time now. When I took flight, I hit flat on my posterior then rolled over with the momentum ( driveway slopes ) and had the embedded gravel. At least it wasn't the pink and blue aquarium gravel!

April, Easy---The Yellow Crystals haven't left yet! They are still in Maryland! We are supposed to get snow, or sleet tonight! I can't believe it!

Redlines----Don't help them. Now I got three of them ganging up on me! Those damn stick pins are killing me!

April------ :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*Cast your spell on someone else please! Joe No derogatory thoughts about Vanwarmer :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X Joe

02-18-2003, 12:05 AM
SO.... i spent the day getting tow trucks on highways...and then cancelling the wreckers from towing car-car away just in the nick of time...so i can drive it to the mechanics to be an organ donor for the new car.then took buses for the next few hours to feed fish and finally get home. now.to await the verdict.
so...hope whoever purchased the April voodoo doll...can please dispose of it? or sit it in a nice newer working car?

02-18-2003, 12:52 PM
April--aka Dark Cloud, This has indeed been a humbling experience for me---the one that adores even idolizes you! this morning I was greeted with more white stuff. I am now convinced the angels have advanced hexamita. From now on, this unwelcome blast will be called, the "Mean Season". Below are my futile attempts:
1) Prayed to Ste. Deere ( the female patron saint of snow plows )
2)I dressed up in a grass skirt ( knobby knees and all ) and had a luau complete with bonfire. I now know the meaning of life---feeling a 35 mph draft in my groin area---( no need for a vasectomy now ) In Scotland, the men wear kilts---but I think the bagpipes keep it from flying up even in the stiffest of wind chills! :o
3) Strategically placing a total of 1500 --300 watt Ebos' in the front yard only to have them malfunction! :-\
4) Gasoline & Lighter Fluid mix --what a fire! Mrs. Oleary's cow would have been proud! I do not like the new Sinead O'Conner look! >:( >:( >:(

So I have now implemented drastic measures to combat this Arctic wasteland I call Maryland---I am not feeling too merry right now. On the news, with the airhead blonde with the beady mouse eyes, I viewed what appeared to be a UFB sighting ( unidentified flying broom ) I guess the Oreck and Hoover were out of commission? If and when there is a warming trend arrives, there will be new meaning to the term--"slush fund". I want you to know that I am thinking nothing but good thoughts about my Northern Neighbors. :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X

The "Land of Sky Blue Waters", ( I will not hold it against them even though they make Hamms Beer) i even have the first couple words to O, Canada--stuck in my head! Today, I will try the Acme, "Everything is Beautiful Fullfilment Course of Positive Thinking and Personal Achievement in Everyday Life" Whew , say that 3 times fast! The first chapter, " I'm ok, You're Ok" deals with the spin-doctoring of the negative into the positive. Bill Clinton wrote this section. :D

So, armed with the wealth of newly obtained wisdom from this Dollar Store publication, I looked at your recent trubles and indeed found some silver lining in your gray cloud: ;)

1) Your now dearly departed Car Car--the refugee from Delmonte---a 1968 Generic LTD ( limited Production--they were on to something here! ) inclusive with the two speed hydromatic hamster transmission and .5 liter porta john exhaust fan had a rear window defogger that was fully operational. The sticker on the rear hatchback clearly instructed the consumer to place hands here! This provided much needed warmth when pushing the car. See--something negative ends on a positive note. ;) ;)

2) You were eyeing the Yugo with the roof-mounted Czechoslavakian Weather Station and optional chromed front bumper mount tow bar, but despite causes of concern, you went for it. Armed with tip money from doing Pierre Trudeau's poodle puppy's manicure you went for the gold---for the princely sum of $12, 429.95 Canuck bucks. ( $29.98 USD ) for the Dontgo Sport. The car came replete with the 300 foot 14 amp extension cord which increased the driving range within metropolis Vanwarmer. The 1.4 liter Turbospin Ronco Salad Shooter motor works well for snow removal and eradicating jay walking pedestrians. :o :o :o :o

I know what you are probably saying,---no positive thinking here--well you are quick to judge, hence the snow job we have here. The positive reinforcement is that even though it broke down just past the dealerships driveway and the small print on the warrenty is outlined, there is hope. Five ments or the end of the drivewayy---Whichever comes first was the extended warranty. This can be looked at as regeneration. Just like what Mench, Gary, Steve Warner, and I do each afternoon with naptime ( Transcendental Meditation ) Had we only known back in Kindergarten that the mats and nursery songs would become full circle in our lives. Just as the incontinence aisle finds us scurrying for the 50 cent off coupons. At Ecards they will give me the family pack of support stockings and corn pad combo with the purchase of the Extra Strength Depends---weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
So maybe the "New to you, car--BOB ( bucket of bolts ) will be revitalized after its extended nap/ sabatical.

So, April Scissorhands, Angel of Death, destruction and Deportation or whatever alias you are using, I am begging you to cease the damnation you wrought on previously semi-tropical Maryland. Like Lorea Bobbit, you have emasculated my manhood and I hope all here feel my pain. :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(The Krokus croaked and the lilacs left. The Groundhog is still not seeing his shadow and the plow truck buried my van. On a positive note, The melafix/ salt baths are easing the pain from my gravel embedded forehead. The bleeding has subsided to a trickle. Julz and Goat Show Mamma, stash the Sponge Joe along with the barbecue skewers. Redlines, I think your manufacturing of Sponge Joe's is illegal without my consent. I will have my trio of attorneys, Cleo, Johnny Cochraine, and Perry Mason get in touch with your people to advise of the impending course of action. >:(

Julz and Lynn---Ladies have pity on me and send some liquid sunshine--and make it with a twist off cap for convenience! No Miller time , Julz. Dark Discus--kindly leave mine colored up-Caryhas deseted me and doesn't want any of your wrath piled upon him. Please be compassionate! 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) Joe the Downtrodden!

02-18-2003, 01:08 PM
Joe!! LMAO!!! ;D

I sit in beautiful 70 degree Florida weather....in a classroom...learning techie IS stuff :-\ sun is setting when I get out! >:(
I will consume some liquid sunshine for you and have compassion.....ales okay by you? Its gonna be Newcastle Brown or Bass..or maybe a real black&tan...tomorrow will be some fruity umbrella deal ;D
Take care my friend!!! Words of wisdom...never fool with a rodent, he knows his chitt! :D :D :D
See ya soon! ;D

02-18-2003, 02:21 PM
april, You must be going soft---OOps, :o I mean more caring! It stopped snowing , the gray clouds are headed North and the imitation sun is poking out! Life is Good!!!!!My suicide attempt with my Norelco Electric was all for naught. ( Didn't work anyway--damn modern conveniences! ) I can put on my Genuine Pigskin Hush puppies and my dogs can breathe! I can go to school and I can be somebody! Lynn sent me some Liquid Sunshine so I am now high on life!!!!( No Julz--Not Miller Low Life!!! ) Doo Dah Doo Dah!!!!!Yabba Dabba Doo! YIYiYiYi OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYooooooooodle!!!!!!!!

Thank ya Thank Ya! Your not so secret admirer, Joe ;D ;D

02-18-2003, 02:23 PM
Ryan, The Sponge Julz and Sponge Aprils come in Pink to match their eyes! Joe

02-18-2003, 06:40 PM
In stitches as usual Joe, not to mention my gut hurts...... Ryan get the mop.... :) :) :)

02-22-2003, 02:13 PM
April, Please put down the broom!!!! I didn't mean any of the derogatory statements that may have been attributed to me about the igloo next door. It was taken out of context about the igloo...Everyone knows the beauty of Vanwarmer!! ;D I am innocent. Please set down the Sponge Joe Voodoo Doll...Gently...the forehead with its gravel pock marks is healing nicely, but the posterior is still tender!Would you please call off the rain now? Whats next? A swarm of Locusts? How about really getting creative and give Joe the Bubonic Plague...Or leprosy??? You should be happy... the Shepherd is on its way to Cary's... I sent it early.

The torrential monsoons we are having are about to give my discus an automatic water change with each crest of the Potomac River. I'm mounting pontoons on the van and started constructing an ark. Two of evry kind of Discus are being packed up as I fumble with the keyboard. I even put in an extra fishie---Cmon I'm on my knees...imploring and sniveling!

Enough thunder from Up Yonder! I Love Ya... :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* Your admirer, Joe

02-22-2003, 10:42 PM
WE Don't need ......NO MORE tROUBLE!!!.... What need is LOVE!!!

02-23-2003, 11:18 AM
April, apparently, I've really set you off this time! The basement flooded even worse than the fishroom ever has. I enptied Igor ( shop vac ) thirty seven times! The rain has stopped for now. i think the clouds had to go to the Gulf of Mexico for a reload. ??? Even clouds need a vacation!

Afterthe deluge of rain...the snow is still making its presence. It ha sbeen in the high forties, but still I am careful getting the paper. As careful as a cat taking a s%#@ on a pile of broken glass! :o

I know I have caused heartache with my vancooler comments. That is all gonna change! i recently applied to be the poster boy for your wonderful sprawling metropolis. I know...this has been said before...but with your infinite wisdom and forgiveness, I will carry it through this time. No igloo jokes, no references to trailor parks, no one stop light jokes...I won't :P even say the one where, if you plug in the toaster... the trolley car stops! I have learned my lesson well this time.

Does your broom ever need refueling...or are you full of gas?
April don't take it wrong. Again, I apologize in advance. Have a graet day!` I am truly humbled! Joe : :'(

02-23-2003, 11:37 AM
Lol Joe....did you hear what happened to my shop-vac?
it short circuited while turned off..and torched my new house. major fire...all from cleaning out a fish tank. so....turn it off and unplug it! or fire might be your next worry!! i gotta write shop-vac and tell them they burnt my house down. fish keeping is dangerous.and never forget it.
oh....we have blue skies and sun.....couldnt be a more gorgeous day. thanks for taking our rain .....

02-23-2003, 04:25 PM
OMG April, this didn't JUST happen, did it? You poor poor thing. Are you cursed or what?


02-23-2003, 05:20 PM
LOL yes liz . about a month ago. lol. but all was well.luckily i woke up...as the smoke alarm never went off when the breaker went off.
yeah so who has the april voodoo doll? cut it out whoever it is.

02-23-2003, 07:26 PM
Joe.... You should write articles for a newspaper or just send me a story once a month so I can Have ""MY SMILE!"" ;D
and Yes it is true.... some days Pril gives me a good run for my "I HAVE NO ((*& LUCK except to prepare for the Worst" Crown! :-\
K :gorgeous:

02-23-2003, 07:37 PM
Yep....ed we are both just your basic people with cute little winnie the pooh black clouds above our heads...one funny after the fact glitch after another. sometimes not so funny.
think my funniest one i heard from you..was when you cleaned your car out so nicely and the sandstorm whipped through it and your battery died...and you couldnt roll up your windows. a days work.....polishing and shining..all gone.
At least i have all Of Joes sun.here in vanwarmer. 8)

02-23-2003, 09:29 PM
OK Prilly Pants.... :P

Put down the "Julz" voodoo doll..... My basement experienced the big flood as well. Took me half the day to build a damn and direct it to the drain.....

Whats else is up your sleeve my friend? :-\

Please remember....... I am on your side...... :P

Heck I even had to clean up the mess in my Pooh Jammies......... :(

02-23-2003, 10:59 PM
geez Julz...hope you didnt get your pooh jammies wet...
no julz voodoo doll here...check joes pockets. lol.maybe he transferred the flood to your basement

02-24-2003, 01:29 AM
Hey can we have a slumber party? :bounce: :bounce: :bounce:
I have about seven pairs of EEYORE flannel Jammies!!! :bounce: :bounce: :bounce:
I know.....Real EROTIC stuff I tell ya! ;D
who was it that made the Joe doll posts!?
that was HILARIOUS!!!
Still laughing....
Hmmmmmm I want to order one! now where the (* is that Devil or Evil emoticon??Ahhhh I can't find one!
Okay... insert EVIL LAUGH HERE! ;D


02-24-2003, 01:34 AM
Karen, More smiles coming your way... stay tuned.. sme time --same station. a sick mind never runs out of material ( often referred to as fodder ) Put on your happy face and board the train of insanity!

April, As you well know, We are still shop vacing with Igor. The carpet has started to rescind, gradually settling down without the white caps.On a positive note... the rug shampooer did its job! there is no April Voodoo doll that I know of---so kindly redirect your ire in another direction. Is your broom turbocharged??????? O to witch in sixty seconds!!!

Julz, Pooh pajamas??? Where's Tigger??? Damn! Joe ;)

02-24-2003, 09:49 AM
Well actually I have many as well.... Pooh, Tigger, EEYORE, and the whole gang..... Heck even Mickey and Minnie.... Makes me feel young again...... :P

02-24-2003, 09:25 PM
ok....feeling left out here...i want eeyore jammies!!!!!!!!
love eeyore. and poo...and piglet..and tigger...i think i need to go shopping. lol. perhaps that will be what everyone needs to come in at the aca? dress code. pooh and friend flannel jammies a must. bring your own discus.

02-24-2003, 11:19 PM
Pril? pssst..... don't forget your black mask and jumpsuit..... A must for the heist ya know..... Don't tell anyone tho.... hee hee they'll never know its us..... ;D

02-24-2003, 11:37 PM
You ladies can wear the fuzzy jammies and I will do the grooming. Joe ;D