I'm no longer raising discus!

[Shive]

I just wnated to say goodbye and thanks for all the great help! After raising some really fine discus from 1 inchers to almost adults I had to quit. I sold all of my fish and I'm breaking down the tanks tomorrow. My wife whent totaly nasty on me about the time it took and that it wasn't fair to her and all that other blathering crap. It turned into a real knock down drag of a fight. The D word got mentioned and well the hell with it! It's cheaper to keep her...and thats the only reason I got rid of the fish. I would have sold her if I could but I don't think there any takers! You guys have been great I sold my fish for a steal but I know the guy who bought them and he's a good aquarist! You guys are special, Discus are special, I love em! Thanks again for all the help and may God bless!

Shive

[oodi]

:'( :'( :'(

I don't know what else to say, Shive.

Judi

[the_oracle]

oh man,
Too bad you have to give up on this. Anyway, I wish you good luck and may you live happily ever after with you loving wife.
Regards.

[Jeff]

You'll be back. Maybe solo or maybe married, but you'll be back. ;)

[Glenn]

Sorry bud the wine and candels didnt work.

[brewmaster15]

Sorry to Hear it. :'( :'( :'( :'(

Family first !!!!...It may be the best fish in the world..But its only a fish when it comes to family issues.


Good luck , Hope to see you around again!

-al

[Don_Lee]

Sorry to hear it Shive...........Glenn says I should not give advice on women, so I am trying to follow that for now.......lol. There is always tomorrow, don't be a stranger........

Don

[Howie_W]

I agree with Jeff...you'll be back. :)

Here's wishing you smooth sailing ahead.

Howie

[paulmat]

I have to make many efforts on all the rest of the household stuff to keep peace at home. My fiance' loves the fish,but has trouble when things get neglected at home because of the fish. We are getting married next month and she knows it's me and the fish,LOL

I also agree with my friend Jeff on this one.

Paul

[ODwyerPW]

If we aren't balanced about the time and resources we commit to our fishkeeping hobbies our families have every right to object. If they are feeling comprimised because of our hobby, than we've crossed the line and it's time to do just what Shive did. Let's keep our priorities straight.

[RyanH]

... On the other hand. I think that this hobby can be a real bonding experience for couples. My wife and I do water changes together and go on road trips from time to time to buy fish. She also gets enjoyment from watching them display their different behaviors. I try to include her as much as possible and do different things intentionally to keep her involved.

I guess my point is that if you include your significant other then they may not feel threatened or jealous but intrigued.

hth!

Its pretty easy to let this hobby consume ever spare minute that you have...especially if you have several tanks or a room full of tanks!

Been there....done that...BOUGHT THE T-SHIRT!! :-\

By the time I pulled my head outta my *** it was too late.....when I finally strolled outta the fish room.....
My "Ex" wife was already BOINKIN half the neighborhood!! ;D :o ;D :o

I guess thats why all the neighbors of the "male" persuasion were soooo encouraging about my discus hobby huh? ::)

soooo.....I did it RIGHT this time....I found myself a wife thats just as much of a WACK job as I am about discus!! ;D

[oodi]

Tony...

Proof yet again, that sometimes ya hafta go thru a little hell to get to heaven!!!

Judi
:)

[daveycrockett]

Hope you come back soon. Best wishes. Maybe your wife will get attached to these fish in the future.

[SLY]

it's difficult if ur other half objected to your hobby..now u have to either give up w/c which is water change or take up w/c which is wife change..guess giving up water change is the better option ;D Good luck and hope you can come back to the w/c again someday and I mean water change ;D

[the_oracle]

I'm with RyanH. To me, it's best to include her as much as possible. Get her involved in everything, then from there, she'll know how to appreciate this hobby.
I've been doing this all along and everything works fine for me........ :D

[Shive]

I tried to include my wife in this project but she was really never interested. She just couldn't see the beauty of the fish. The challenge of raising discus and the hard work seemed to elude her. My wife has never had any interests. I feel like we are so apart I needed the passion the challenge not to mention the most beautiful fish. I tried all those things that have been listed in other posts. But I failed to interest her in this hobby. In the end I failed as well I shouldn't blame her some how I missed the point. I'll miss you guys and gals!

God Bless


Shive

[RyanH]

Take care of yourself Shive. I hope you get things worked out.

[Don_Lee]

Shive,

I would strongly encourage you to seek therapy with your wife. My guess is that the problem is not just your fish, or you.......Take care.........

Don

[April]

sorry to hear..shive..i agree with don. the fish were something for you to focus on..
hope you have smooth sailing..and hope you can get back to at least one nice tankful later on.
heck..id be very happy if my husband had a hobby that kept him at home. could be worse...could be out all the time.
Tony...so..its the fish that did it . lol. well you did it right for sure this time. 8)
there does have to be a balance.

[Anonapersona]

It is always hard on a wife when her husband has a hobby that takes his time and money.

I finally made peace with the toy car in the garage when I realized how much more most hobbies cost in time and money.... a friend's husband who is a hunter owns part of a deer lease and leaves home for 3 weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas, leaving the wife and kids for one holiday or the other. Another friend's husband has a golf membership and is gone every Saturday. Another has a boat that costs about the same as the golf membership and takes off each weekend also, amazing what those fish cost in gas money! I know where my husband is and everything in that car costs way less than a boat or golf costs.

But, I didn't really come to terms with his hobby until I started my own hobbies. I didn't have time for non-productive hobbies until the kids grew up. Things like sewing or holiday decorating are more chores than hobby, although a husband might look at them as hobbies. Because they were not selfish hobbies, they benefited the family, I would not compare them to something like discus keeping, or golf or hunting or building race cars.

So, I guess it boils down to it being selfish. IMO, the only way to equalize that is to spend a like amount on diamonds; totally selfish, non-productive things of beauty -- for her.

[FishKeeper]

The problem with this hobby versus other hobbies is that there is no ability to stop for a few weeks to spend more time with the family. The fish need daily attention, to say the least, and you can't just let them go without dire results, aka, deaths. I'm into RC helicopters too and when I need to devote more time at home I just stop flying. The fish still need to eat and have their water changed and the tanks and filters cleaned. Therein lies the problem.....

[GulfCoastDiscus]

Hearing all this makes me thankful of my wife and how fortunate I am. When she gets home I'll make sure I thank her. :) :)

My wife likes my hobby because she says it keep me at home and she knows where I'm at all the time. ;D

Good luck Shive. I wish you peace.

Dan

[Discus_KC]

Shive,

Best of luck ! Give it some time.

My wife knows I'm wacko !!!!!!! But I wouldn't give up. Took the fool (Ooops, I mean blessed Sweetheart) 10 years to love the fish !!!!!

Now she cleans tanks, feeds and kicks my butt around !

Jack

[DarkDiscus]

I dunno Jack, seems like mating behaviour to me!

;)

John

[Discus_KC]

When do I get to spawn ????

Guess I'll have to shimy and shake !!!!!!!!!!!!

[April]

LOl Jack...think bowing would be better. ::)

[jay43452]

my wife uses the tanks as leverage whenever she wants somthing,BUT she never says no when at Cary's place or any other breeders that we have visited.and she is always in the car first when its time for a fish trip.Don't know if it's the money or the time together,but don't bother me either way. :whip:

[scotz]

Shive - Maybe one day you will be back - best of luck to you though. My wife tolerates my hobbies - including my fish - but she does like them and when I am out of town on business she does water changes, feedings, and even (if I kiss up enough) rinse the BW ;D Its all about give and take ;)

scotz

[the_oracle]

All the best to you Shive. I'm sure once you have settled evrything, you'll be back again.
Once you're hooked to this hobby, theres nothing stopping you...........
So take your time out now, and make sure you come back later............. ;D

[goldengatediscus]

I must be in the minority here. I am the fish wife/mom with a very understanding husband and tolerant kids. I couldn't ask for a better hubby. He doesn't ask how much I spend, and I don't tell, although I try to keep my fish expenses under control! He doesn't help with the chores, or show much interest in the fish, but he will feed them when I am out of town.

Everything should be in moderation, but you need joint interests/hobbies AND separate hobbies to keep a marriage interesting. I hope that someday you get to have a beautiful tank full of discus again.
All the best,
Brigitte

[DarkDiscus]

Hmm. My wife is very cool about my hobby. She would definitely say something if I started neglecting her, however, and would not be happy if I started spending even more time with the fish than I do.

Recently, as we started getting serious about house buying, I had mentioned getting more tanks and expanding a bit and she really didn't want me to. We compromised - we agreed that I would actually decrease the number of tanks, but increase the overall gallons by getting a megatank. That way I get more fish and decrease the labor. She gets a "showtank" and gets me to have more time to do chores she wants me to do.

It was all very reasonable. I don't think I could handle someone giving me an ultimatum, though. Like Don Lee said earlier - if your wife said "Me or the Fish!" The problem isn't (just) the fish!

Good luck!

John

[cartoon]

Could you at least keep one tank??? Perhaps make it a show tank and ask for her help with the decorating of it? THis way she has a vested interest too! Just an idea....cartoon ???

[Cosmo]

Bummer dude.. guess I'm fortunate in that my wife supports my interest and hobby - First wife didn't, so I sold her... and kept the fish :o Actually, not true, the first one due other reasons, but like someone before me said, guess you gotta live thru hell before you get to heaven.

Jeff and the others are right... you'll be back... we all come back.... just a matter of time

Hope it all works out
Jim

[Cosmo]

on a totally different subject -

Cartoon - haven't forgotten, still looking for the right frame! Not easy in this size. Fish room almost done too, and have just the spot for it - will post one of these days
Jim