PDA

View Full Version : How to convince your spouse ;)



Albanets
01-23-2006, 10:38 AM
Well, I am a beginner, so this topic goes to the section for beginners.

So, how to convince your spouse to get MORE fish tanks??
Mine doesn't want more, and I have just run out of reasons.

HELP ASAP!!!

Elcid
01-23-2006, 11:16 AM
There's NO WAY! You just have to buy the tank and setup when the spouse's not home ;) on vacation :p or travelling on business :o

Albanets
01-23-2006, 12:41 PM
What was that expression... 'all hell breaks loose'...
I am talking about minimum damages... lol

SSteino86
01-23-2006, 12:59 PM
Explain that you have been diagnosed with a treatable chemical imbalance....

Only way to correct it is with increasing your number of tanks every year, otherwise you'll go into convulsions! ;)

wolfbane
01-23-2006, 01:25 PM
More fish tanks helps keep the humidity at healthy levels, really it does!!! Naw, He didn't believe it either.

White Worm
01-23-2006, 02:08 PM
I dont know if you breed, but...... When my wife saw the fry eating off the parents, well........she fell in love with them and then I opened up the conversation with.........when they have fry for you, we will need to have tanks set up and ready for them. She allowed me to purchase a pair...$$$$ and now she says I can start fish room in the garage....$$$$. She wants to have a few pairs and 3-4 grow out tanks....$$$$. Get them involved....its the only way without dealing with divorce papers.

geodehunter
01-23-2006, 02:19 PM
Spouse??? Well I don't have one. The only thing that I have to answer to is my checkbook. :p

chinoz
01-23-2006, 03:14 PM
Spouse??? Well I don't have one. The only thing that I have to answer to is my checkbook. :p


youre right on the spot my friend :p

Doug A
01-23-2006, 05:50 PM
I say "Woman.. I'm setting up another tank whether you like it or not." http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_35_7.gif LOL

Honestly though she is very understanding and lets me set up as many tanks as I want. No need to make an excuse. http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_1_34.gif

She is starting to take an intrest in the fish. I don't think she will ever do a W/c but thats ok I will eventually wear her down.:D

Doug

cobaltblue
01-23-2006, 09:44 PM
Tell her that the extra moisture in the air is good for her health. That it will make her skin softer, and her complexion better. Allow her to go out and get some more makeup or clothes to go with her new found youthful look.....lol

White Worm
01-23-2006, 10:11 PM
Chris...are you married?...... My wife would see right through that charade. She would probably say something like........whats wrong with my skin and my complexion now??? Do you think I have rough skin and bad complexion now? Do you think I need new clothes and a more youthful look?? This could go either way but women are much smarter than most give them credit for. Never underestimate the intelligence of a woman (even more so, a wife with the checkbook). Get them involved....its the best way :D :D

oodi
01-23-2006, 10:12 PM
Well...

I know what would work with me! ;) I'd probably let Tad have another tank, if he brought home several gift certificates for massage therapy and facials at the Day Spa!! :D

Judi
:)

Cosmo
01-23-2006, 10:34 PM
If your wife's into decorating, talk about how the new tank would compliment the room... if she's not into that, get her into watching HGTV and she will be... lol


My wife has her interests, and since she figures the fish are mine, and they make me happy.. she's pretty understanding (to say the least).. around here, it's more a function of how much time I have that determines the number of fish/tanks..

Judi has a great point too... just gave my wife a gift cert for a whole day at the spa for her birthday present... now when I tell her I'm going to buy more fish next month she'll feel too guilty to complain :D

Seriously though, she's gotten into them over the past few years... won't clean or do a WC, but she loves to look at them and the tank in the family area compliments the room soooo nicely... LOL

If that doesn't work... buy her some cockatiels to keep her company while you maintain the tanks :)

Definately though... get her involved, or at least interested

Jim

Albanets
01-23-2006, 11:16 PM
Thank you guys, now I have some ideas... formost is to get her involved I guess...

Well, w/cs and wiping are out of question...

KIWI13
01-24-2006, 07:28 AM
No man No do not get her involved with the chores, that is one way to limit yourself. I have the same situation and I think I did real well considering my wife drove me 200 km to pick up fish and is even feedin em..

Whats the secret..

Act like they are nothing, you know pay more attention to your spouse. This is not a rouse to get what you want but in general in you are considerate and do the little things that we take for granted then things like tanks are not even an issue.

Do the things you had to do to go out with her in the first place... Now do them for the rest of your life and take pleasure in doing them.. Then when you ask for things the answer is always favourable.

I think you need to not be too obsesed with the hobby and pay attention to your loved ones too and when you learn to share your time equally between work, hobby and family, you will have no problems asking for upgrades.

Most of your spouses think another tank means alot less time spent with them. Well....; Corresct the situations and tryin to trick a woman is the DUMBEST thing a guy could ever do. Lets face it women were always smarter than us and your always gonna get caught and if you do........ then you will be up **** creek without a paddle to save your life...

Hope my 2 cents brought you some enlightenment.. LOL

Jas :)

Albanets
01-24-2006, 09:07 AM
KIWI13: Wow, that's wise man speaking

You should never try to trick the love ones...
Women ARE smarter...
Most of all, do not let her feel that you are more obsessed with the hobby than with her...
And so on.
Thanks!

RichieE
01-24-2006, 10:07 AM
When I sell fish I give my wife the cash, well some of it anyway. I don't actually "MAKE" money with discus but it keeps her quiet when boxes arrive in the mail. Rich

KIWI13
01-24-2006, 12:15 PM
LMAO richie.. Wish I coudl use that method...

Well my wife is starting to like the discus, even took her on a road trip to see a breeder.. She said " the guy was cruel.. all those nice fish in bare bottom tanks..."

Well I had to go potted just to be able to keep the tank in the lounge.. She was totally against a bare glass box of water with fish.... LOL So I potted a few plants and hey I got to buy more fish...

Its all about diplomacy....;)

tpl*co
01-24-2006, 02:28 PM
Mine doesn't understand the "Lays potato chip" theory of tanks... You can't live with just one! LOL! He doesn't mind them just my clutter of food and equipment and stuff (good thing I pay the power bill too). I'm working on the clutter.

Now he's talking about remodelling with tile (good for water, but what will I do with the fish tanks in the mean time?). Where do I put them during the remodel (and the fish)?

Hmmm, usually a new tank just shows up, though no big tanks have shown up in a while since he has the SUV, and anything big means I have to borrow it (which tips him off, LOL). I had him pick up my last tank.

Hmmm, he's also looking at an SUV for me, which means I can hall more without borrowing his SUV??? Maybe I should get the SUV instead of a car I was looking at? (then I can carry more? LOL). (the reason I've been good with the fish stuff is the carrot of a new car dangling in front of me by my spouse).

White Worm
01-24-2006, 02:30 PM
Diplomacy defined; YYYYEEEEEESSSSSSS my queen! I'm with ya!
tpl*co......I will offer my discus watching service to you. You might even get them back.

tpl*co
01-24-2006, 03:06 PM
LOL Mikscus! Hmmmm, I wonder if I have enough room in my cube at work to babysit them? DH is still in the research stage of tiling the rest of the house but it sounds like he's serious. Maybe if it is in the summertime I can put them in the garage?

I'll have 3 tanks I'd need to move, my bowfront, the breeder and the 20 gallon catchall non-discus community (the one that Marie saw the african cichlids in :)). The other tank is in a wierd spot in the room that won't get tiled, but I won't have access to if it does get tiled. Why do spouses make life difficult at times? (LOL, he probably thinks the same way with my fish, I can't go anywhere until I finish this water change! and power outages are enough to put me in a panic, LOL!)

Tina

Albanets
01-24-2006, 04:21 PM
Well guys,
I have just talked to my wife, and it was a total disaster. She only sees money spent.
Guess I will have to sell my fish and get some cheap hobby, like watching TV. Basic package, you know, for $9/mo.

ronrca
01-24-2006, 04:47 PM
Hide it! Build a cabinet with doors and use it as a TV stand or something. On the inside, put a false back in and use to store CDs. :D The fishtank lives underneath and behind the false back. A closet works well also if you have any spare closets though. :o


She only sees money spent.
Siiigghh! Sounds familiar! To be honest, there is no way to convince only bargain. I am lucky enough to put a little aside every month thus some spending money (kind of an allowance if you will). O btw, tell her fish are much better mentally than TV. You will be much more relaxed. Experts recommend hobbyies btw. Other than that, Im sorry to hear that.

tpl*co
01-24-2006, 06:36 PM
Do you have a tank already? Here's how to get your wife into fish:

Start slow, everybody here has probably done that. a small tank, guppies... even a betta in a bowl...then BAM you're hooked ;) (then the rarer fish and the bigger tanks come in).

Take her to the fish store and see what she likes. (decor, fish, etc.).

Buy used tanks over new, check Craigs list etc. a used tank will usually cost $1 a gallon.

See if there are any fish clubs in your area that have auctions/raffles, you can get equipment, fish and tanks pretty cheap through them.

Once you get a tank, you can upgrade your equipment, etc. as budget and time allows (or you can sneak in, LOL!).

Look online for all the health benifits of watching fish to show her.

Tina

marilyn1998
01-24-2006, 09:43 PM
I had a tank in the early 90's and everyone loved the discus! We moved, and I got out of the hobby. This last year I wanted to get another setup, but the spouse just kept saying NO!. SO...... with the holidays and my birthday fast approaching, I went online and ordered the whole shot! Then I had to deal fast with the boxes that were being delivered as my husband was on vacation when they were due to arrive.
I told him I had gone online to a few sites and "saved in the cart" all the things I wanted for the holidays. Then, I went back in and ordered a magazine.
Next day, in my email I see, "partial order shipped".... and realized the WHOLE CART WAS RELEASED!
He bought it, and hasnt said a cross word yet. He enjoys the tanks as much as I do now.
Little white lies....:angel:

oodi
01-24-2006, 09:52 PM
Very sneaky, Marilyn!! ;)

Judi
:)

sidra
01-24-2006, 09:53 PM
OMG. You are all just too funny! One good thing about being single is like geodehunter said, only have the checkbook to answer to.

My boyfriend likes my discus and even bought me a nice big tank for Christmas. Now he wants one for his apartment-he wants a Cichlid tank.

marilyn1998
01-24-2006, 09:56 PM
Sidra-

Keep that guy! Buys you a BIG tank, likes cichlids, wants his own..... you are in heaven!!! Mine said NO, cuz when I left the hobby I had 9 tanks in a 950 sq ft home. My kribensis wouldnt stop breeding!!! I must have had over 1500 fry growing out. My main love though was the discus. :>;) (I had the microwave on the floor with a tank on the cart as we were moving.:D

Jason
01-25-2006, 05:26 AM
hehe withhold sex then get some discus books with tons of nice pics and leave them laying around open in the spots of the house she frequents.

Albanets
01-25-2006, 10:13 AM
Jason:

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dax29
01-25-2006, 12:00 PM
I just bugged the heck out of my wife for months until she knew it was important enough to me that she let me get another one. I also curtailed many of my fish related activities so as to spend more time with my family when I'm home. I do a lot of my fish duties at lunch when no one is home. It is easier, actually, b/c my 4 and 2 yr old aren't there to "help" with water changes. I also sold-off some stuff from another hobby that I'd grown tired of and I used that money to buy more tanks, although I did use most of the money to buy stuff that was of mutual familial benefit. I guess the best advice is the old "give and take" cliche. I tried the sneaky approach one time and got burned so I'm up front with all my purchases now.

KIWI13
01-25-2006, 12:04 PM
LMAO :p Brilliant advice... I will be callin you when my marriage starts goin downhill.

Jas you kickass........ LOL

:D

Moon
01-25-2006, 01:19 PM
Out of sight out of mind.
My fish room is in the crawl space. Nobody comes in there. I do as I please. I sneak in fish tanks when my wife is away and she does not know. At least I like to think so. I am sure she knows but has not said anything. I am up to 20 tanks.
I have been droping hints about moving the fish room into the main part of the basement where I can stand erect. Lots of resistance, but I am workin on it.

architect1
01-25-2006, 07:49 PM
What about when your 20 liven in hamilton ontario. Theres not alot of women that apreciate my discus and my tanks. Its not just a pet i find them as a sience and project becasue co2 and the rest of it. I have build up a relationship with my discus like ther emy children. I find people my age think its a turn off or its kreppy. I can't find a single g/f that is interested in them. Any sugestions?

I will tell you this much no one will tell me to drop my hobby or them. I'm kinda its my way or the highway. I find as I becomre closer to an architect Its getting more and more hard for people to tell me what I should be doing with my life. Maybe its me But I do love haven discus I always will have tanks. Don't get me wrong I do give a women attention and dinner movies. I do all the work at night or lunch. So its not that they get in the way.

I love how I'm not the only person that Has some problems with g.f/-b/f or hb-wf. Its also nice to see women on hear that love doing the work and attention with discus care.

Its vary nice to have people on hear that are also from around the world.

KIWI13
01-26-2006, 05:35 AM
My fellow architect..
here is what I have to say. I don't know about canada, but in New Zealand, Architecture school was rather busy. As you approach your third year, things get pretty damn busy. Please keep your studies as your priority. Discus after all are JUST a hobby and are JUST fish..
Its great to love em and to be motivated by them but do not let me take up all your time cause your degree is worth alot more and trust me working in the industry is worth even more than the degree.. LOL I had fish while I studied but I made sure they didnt take time out of my study routine. Especially when you gotta get those end of the year projects in that will keep u up working a few nights in a row... Sleep is a luxury to a student in architecture...

As for girls, who cares if they are in to your fish or not.. Most important is if they are into you. Man I would'nt throw away a relationship cause they thought fish were stoopid. If I asked my wife when I met her what she thought of fish, she'd probably say " they are silly things that just hang around in tanks, get a dog for gods sake" she still looks at me funny when I spend my time cleaning them everyday and when I spend time on the net posting on Simply Discus or when I call Al to bug him about discus advice.. LMAO.

Its all a hobby after all, lets never forget that....

Jas;)

Kindredspirit
01-26-2006, 08:21 AM
hmm.....So Wise For One So Young~


Well Said, Jason...http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/3/3_3_20.gif



Very Well Said~

Marie~http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/16/16_4_10.gif

architect1
01-26-2006, 11:08 AM
Yeah School is number one like when I move to toronto i dont think I will be able to have the tanks but if I can i'll bring them. The women part almost all of them arn't keepers Its hard to find some one you can hang out with and not arguee I hate agueeing. My eyes school was alwasy number one and always will be. The discus are like you said a hobby a vary enjoyable hobby. As for the lady she will mostlikely come in my university years or when I' in the fieald. thank you for your experiances well you went through university. I like to know I'm not the only other crazy person hear with majestic discus.

tdr1919
01-27-2006, 02:03 AM
This subject is definately the most frustrating part of the hobby, I've had Discus for over 30 yrs! and for one reason or another hav never been able to keep more than 2 tanks, a real draw back.
Tom R.

Beth
01-27-2006, 11:55 AM
You could have a loving enough spouse or partner that enjoys the same hobbies as yourself..... or remind the other half "Get What You Give" The only problem with couples having the same desire for Discus is "Damn it can get Waaaaay tooo expensive" especially if you both have different taste in colour strains :shocked:
I tell ya..... :bandana: taste for Discus are all in his mouth :crazy:


architect1


I can't find a single g/f that is interested in them. Any sugestions?


You could always ask April ..... I think at one point she was going to open up a SimplyDating.com

Beth

architect1
01-27-2006, 03:06 PM
Really april Lol shes probly little older then me Not that I care about age. Most likly to be in the states far off.

vary true to what you say. Id find it good same hobby but not good same fish cause yeah it be alot of $$$$. The compition, skill differences alot of jelousy maybe going on, or admeration. I do give alot to a woman theres no question about that its finding one that accepts my hobbie and me for who I am.

White Worm
01-27-2006, 04:50 PM
There is someone for everyone out there. Give it time and all of a sudden.....like magic....there she will be. Thats what happened when i met my wife! Most amazing woman for me. Mike

Kindredspirit
01-27-2006, 04:55 PM
You could always ask April ..... I think at one point she was going to open up a SimplyDating.com



That is hilarious!! What fun we could have April!http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_15.gif








Marie~

architect1
01-27-2006, 07:00 PM
I take it as most people in the world just find there loved ones during the time they least expect it. thats aleast what I think will happen to me. I know you can't look for love. Love finds you and thats how i want it to be anway.

JimmyB
01-31-2006, 05:37 PM
Funny Thread. I'll chime in with my "Top 10 Tips"
1. I do a lot of the water changes after the family goes go to bed so they don't know how much work it is.
2. When I take some of the fish to the pet store or to trade with friends (my african cichlids, not my discus) I come home and give me wife a $10 bill. Even if I traded, or gave fish away, I pull out a ten and tell her it was part of the deal, and she can have it. I tell her I spent the other $5 on fish food for the next month so it is extra profit.
3. Never do the water changes or tank maintenance when other chores need to be done around the house. I only do some of that during "down time". Fish keeping can't take away from keeping the rest of the house in order, or else it becomes a problem instead of a hobby.
4. I have only one "show tank" out in the public area of the house, with my favorite discus in it. The rest are in the basement, out of sight, out of mind.
5. Whenever I see some idiot on TV being arrested for drinking and driving, I tell my wife "The guy should save his money and get a hobby at home, like a nice fish tank". I think she realizes that a home hobby is a lot better than the weekly Poker night with the boys, and I remind her of this often.
6. I have the kids name the fish in the show tank, and when I get home, I ask them how "Sushi" or "Ziggy" or "Stripey" is doing today.
7. We have some good family friends that she really respects, and I have turned the husband on to keeping a tank. He comes to our house and admires the show tank and asks her questions and compliments her on what a beautiful piece of artwork it is. I do the same at his house.
8. When she asks why I want to spend more money on a new filter and more fish, I tell her it is cheaper than that new motorcycle I have been thinking about.
9. I name the best fish after her and call it Junior-____ or "mini-_____, because it is the most beautiful fish in the tank.
10. Honey, I need something at the Pet shop. Why don't we go out for a coffee, and we can stop by your clothing store on the way?

Mr.Breeze
01-31-2006, 05:53 PM
Nice Jimmy. Very well thought out. My wife could give or take my tank. But the kids like the fish so it's a keeper. Nathan

AmberC
01-31-2006, 06:18 PM
lol. Well I never have a problem with 'convincing' my husband about more fish or fish products.

I do ALL the maintenance. Actually.. hes not allowed to touch my tanks lol. Its MY hobby.. he has his car.

HE bought me my 125 for my bday. I told him when I breed my discus, I can make back the money by selling the babies lol. We just got a used 55 for breeding/spawning. He had no prob with it because he knew I would get one at some point why not go with the good condition used for a great price. :)

Plus all I gotta do is smile at him and I get anything I want. Hence 3 tanks, two birds, a guinea pig (he HATES them) and a siberian husky. lol

KIWI13
02-01-2006, 04:10 AM
Jimmy you are my Hero..................................

You are a wise boy arentcha??

I love the fish food bit, i try that one too.. mines more ont he lines of
"hey babe, how about we go out for a coffee and then I'll take the kid to the park while you go shopping alone in peace and then when your done, come bye and pick us up and we can stop off at the fish shop on the way home, that way I don't need to go back out...."

it works with good success...

Take the kids away from em and give em some peace and they luv ya for that, especially since my wife writes alot soo.. it works like a chime..

diablocanine
02-01-2006, 04:22 AM
How attached are you to the spouse?

KIWI13
02-01-2006, 04:48 AM
you care to elaborate on that???

Albanets
02-01-2006, 10:00 AM
Jimmy, thanks! I do not have kids and house yet, but I CAN SEE THE FUTURE...