Bigger tank - how to convince my wife

[captainandy]

Well, I've gotten back into discus since my retirement and I want a bigger tank. Now matter what, my wife says no. We've been married 40 years and I guess shes still the boss. Shes afraid that if I start to expand there will be no stopping. We have the room and the funds but sometimes she just likes to say NO!

Divorce is out of the question

Any suggestions or success stories?

[L200GreenPhantom]

How big are the tanks you have now and how big of one are you eyeing?

[coralbandit]

I was always told it easier to ask for forgiveness then permission ?
That being said I am not a spontaneous creature so I have no problem planting subliminal suggestions for a month or so ..
If I talk about fish enough [ more then 1 or 2 minutes ] she tunes me out and knows it ..Then I can say I was telling you but you weren't listening ..
You don't get permission for 60 tanks ..That stuff just happens like a land slide!

[GqyForPay]

I just do it then face the negativity. Getting alittle mad only last for a few days.

[RogueDiscus]

Sees candy.
Spa days.
Red wine.
Plus I pretty much do all the cooking and honey-dos, and she gets the rest of the house to design as she likes.

[LizStreithorst]

If you allows you to do what you choose with your free time and you let her do as she chooses with hers there should be no problem. That's the way it has always worked for me.

[Willie]

Lie. Cheat. Do what you need to do.

[Bud Smith]

I am retired also. I keep it at four tanks now. Used to have have 15 tanks and discus breeding pairs. She understands it gives me joy and something to do in the winter. So in turn I do the laundry, keep the house clean and keep the house in good shape. She works part time and in enjoys her hobbies. She is happy. I am happy. Our 45 wedding anniversary is sunday and I said maybe I need to go to LFS and get a 55 gal on sale to celebrate. She had no response. After 45 years I know my limits. I will wait. Not a big deal. If I sell some of my fish off and on to help for fishroom maintenance it balances things out for her.

[captainandy]

All great suggestions. I just have to overcome my fear of the boss. Just looking to upgrade to something around 150 and maybe a couple of 29s. My wife still remembers all the water change spills from the 180 discus I had plus the 300g reef plus all the electrical bills and water bills and frozen fish food in the freezer.

I have a 75 and haven't had a big spill in 6 months.

[LizStreithorst]

Perhaps you should be the one who pays the bills, if your retirement income is large enough.

[pastry]

I had to lie... my wife thought my 150 was 75 gallons... she finally figured it out when teaching my oldest son how to find volume (she's a math & science teacher). Freak'n hilarious when she kept saying, "that can't be right..."

[captainandy]

Perhaps you should be the one who pays the bills, if your retirement income is large enough.

I pay all the bills and have so for many. many years

[LizStreithorst]

That's the way my husband used to be, too. He considered it to be his job. I don't see why she would have a problem with your fish hobby. Go ahead and do as you choose and tell her that what you do with your own hobby is none of her business. She'll ***** for a while but she'll get over it.

[RogueDiscus]

Well, good luck with that I spend a lot more than my wife, so I'm always encouraging her to "buy the shoes, life's short," but if she were to start spending as much as I have on discus, we'd be in trouble.

[pastry]

That's the way my husband used to be, too. He considered it to be his job. I don't see why she would have a problem with your fish hobby. Go ahead and do as you choose and tell her that what you do with your own hobby is none of her business. She'll ***** for a while but she'll get over it.

Liz, I LOVE this! Meanwhile, I wish my wife had a hobby as well. Hard to compare when they have no hobby to compare our guilty pleasures with.