A owner/operator's manual for women

[Discusgeo]

We always read about Women's needs:

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the
rules from the male side. These are our rules!

Please note ...these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us *****ing about you leaving it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we
can find the perfect present yet again!

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than
short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a
calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd
be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Check your oil! Please.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to
act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
We refuse to answer.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months
we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.


1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be.
Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really.


1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the hell they're saying anyway.)

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together.
No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.

1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.

But you forgot one thing...... :P
All women (yes all!) have a way to break every #1 of your rules, and get away with it. ;D ;D ;D
Otherwize we have what it takes to make you buckle.... What's the old saying, Discusego?
"You can't live with them, better yet you can't live without them"....

Women and lovin it!.... 8)

Julz

lmao

(BTW good one. I'll have to dig up the female version of "The Rules&quot

[Carol_Roberts]

I think Julz just had a Fruedian slip . . . she referred to George as Discusego.

I've never thought of you that way George, however I can think of a few other guys that moniker would fit, lol . . . .

Carol

lol Carol...
That one slipped through the proof reading step. Musta been the case where the "e" finger was quicker than the "g" finger. lol

Sorry George.... :P

[Richman]

So I guess it is true, George.

They really do "own and operate" us. hmmmmmmm

[Ivan]

Not when they've gone out on their own. We can play when the cat is away!haha

[nalah]

i know men find things easier to understand if there's pictures ....
so here goes ;D

[nalah]

another one.......

[nalah]

ah yes! a picture tells a thousand words.... ;D

[Carol_Roberts]

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Carol

LMAO... !!!! ;D ;D

[Discusgeo]

You women are brutal on us guy's, take it easy ladies.
George

[nalah]

brutal ??? i thought you boys liked it a bit rough...LOL
;D :-*

[DarkDiscus]

I'd have to say that as funny as that list is, there are only a few of them I'd like to present to my wife...

Of course I am going to print the whole list and give it to her as a joke... Let's see if she thinks it's funny!

;D

John

[joanr]

I can live with most of it, except for #1! Have any of you guys sat down on the toilet in the middle of the night 8 months preggie, in the dark, and the seat was up?

Joan