The Rules -- This Time By Men

The Rules -- This Time By Men



We always hear "the rules" from the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!

Please note .. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!



1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it

down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us whining about

you leaving it down.



1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we

can find the perfect present yet again!



1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.



1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the

tides. Let it be.



1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than

short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married

women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.



1. Crying is blackmail.



1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do

not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!



1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a

calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.



1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd

be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with

your dress?



1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every

question.



1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's

what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.



1. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.



1. Check your oil! Please.



1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In

fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.



1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us

to act like soap opera guys.



1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse

to answer.



1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the

ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.



1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.



1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it

done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.



1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during

commercials.



1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.



1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two

months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.



1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,

for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no

idea what mauve is.



1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.



1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of

mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.



1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like

nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.



1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer

you don't want to hear.



1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.

Really.



1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to

discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, monster trucks or DISCUS.



1. You have enough clothes.



1. You have too many shoes.



1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or

some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)



1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz

together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.



1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.



1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.



1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the

couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like

camping.


Randy

OK Randy that's how it all got started..... LOL. You want more now? Actually on this thread George had the 1st and final say... Caution it is a long one...... Grab a beer and some pretzels... :P

oops here it is... (see you got me all flustered!) :-\n
http://forum.simplydiscus.com//index...;threadid=4808

I thought this had been posted before but could not find it last night............Randy

[Coetz]

This is the most **** I have ever seen, I think girls and guys should both just shut up and get along. All this smart stuff shows nothing, it's your actions that count, not words. you can say alot, but never do anything. I may only be 16 but I aint a fool!

Coetz**

Wow Coetz... This is all in just plain fun... A sense of humor goes a long way. Once one recognizes just that, the stress seems to dissipate much quicker.... Try it...

[jim_shedden]

i sell "chill pills" up here in Canada for nothin........... ;D

HEE-HEEeeee ;D Spoken like a TRUE...ALLKNOWING 16 year old ;D ;D LMAO!!

Tony

Didja ever notice....that the "tint" on our rose colored glasses seems to fade with age

Yeah Tony!... But what happened to mine? They are now black.... lol Can't see a thing..

"Chill ill"? I have a 17 yr old that could probably use that from time to time... Send it on down. lol

[black rat]

Coetz
Do you get stressed often? ;D

[Ryan]

Coetz,

The idea of the "You Talking to Me?" board is to post things here that are off-topic from the rest of the forum. That includes jokes, games, etc. to try and lighten things up. The men vs. women jokes are just a fun, light-hearted way for us to laugh with each other and break up some of the seriousness of the other board sections. I hope you didn't take that the wrong way. It's all in good fun.

Ryan

[Discusgeo]

Coetz I can see your momma needs to wash your mouth out with some soap and then give you that chill pill. She's 16 years old and already is on her high horse.

[April]

hi coetz. long time no see.
everyone who posts on this thread are very good friends. thats why their posting and competing....as its fun and we all know we;re all just kidding. kinda teasing.....and we all think the world of each other. if it was for real...we wouldnt do it as that would be rude. and julz is just plain goofy. lol. but shes my good friend too. i think she is my good friend cause shes goofy.