My appologies and thanks

[Doug A]

Hello everyone,

I would like to apologize if I have offended anyone with my posts or pm's in the past several weeks.

I have been battling depression, without the use of drugs or alcohol (except for the occasional beer or two to take the edge off), on & off since my father past away in Dec. 2004. There have been good days along with some bad. Due to recent events and situations it has gotten worse. Lately the bad is measured in days and the good only in hours or minutes. When my father died a piece of me died. The stress of taking over my fathers business, on top of trying to be "the rock" of the family & hiding the depression has caught up and is taking it's toll.

I've always been the one to make people laugh or feel better in tough times. This is no longer so. I can't think straight, my sense of humor is diminished, what once gave me joy, rarely does. I'm a very independent person and hate asking for help.

When my pair spawned and I got free-swimmers, it made me very happy. This was something that I've wanted for a long time. Watching my fry eat and grow over the past 4 weeks, at first brought a big smile to my face, but this too has diminished. I feel as though my whole world is crumbling around me.

I'd like to thank the Admin., mods and all the members that make up simplydiscus.com. Without this site, and the wealth of information found within it, I don't think I would've been successful with raising juvies to adults & have fry from a pair that formed. There are times that I feel it is a bit over moderated, but I see the need and reasons for it. It's what makes simply such a peaceful, friendly and helpful forum.

Over the past couple of months, there have been several members that have made me laugh, smile and just plain old feel good, when I was feeling down. Marie (Kindredspirit) cracks me up with her use of words and smileys. Jarrod has a kind heart and deserves to be a member of the forum angels. Even though he is rather new to discus and doesn't have the experience to give much advice, he always has something nice to say. There are others, but these two are the ones that come to mind at this time.

Sorry for such a long and cryptic sounding post. I just needed to vent and get some things off my chest. I'm not going to be around for awhile. I need to do some soul searching and re-kindle the fire deep within myself to let my soul shine bright as it once did.

Until I return, I wish everybody the very best.

Sincerely,
Doug Albrecht

[marilyn1998]

Doug,
:angel:

Godspeed to you as you search and come to terms with your problems. It is a matter of relearning coping mechanisms that will get through the tuff times. When you feel like your shorts are made of milkbones and you are in the kennel, remember the happy times and that those discus rely on YOU. Letting others pitch in and be responsible for their own lives will help YOU to work on yours.
I will say a prayer for you. Dont be gone too long!!!!
Good Luck

[kaceyo]

Doug,
First let me say that it takes alot of nerv to come into the public eye and admit something like that about yourself. Thats something I've rarely ever been able to do. I've been fighting depression all my adult life and I know how tough it can be. I guess all I really wanted to say is that you're not alone, for what it's worth, and try not to let go of the strings that will pull you back into life eventualy. My family and discus are my strings right now. So hang on,

Kacey

[Cosmo]

Hey Doug,

Like Kaceyo said, takes a big man to open up to the world, and I'd say that's a damn good sign that you'll lick this thing and get back to being your old self. My father passed away in Dec of last year and despite how much I now consciously try and celebrate the memories of him, I know it still subconsciously effects me... There was no family business for me to take over, and that has to make it even more difficult ..

Hang in there, and remember we're all here for you whenever you need us :)

Jim

[Ardan]

Hi Doug,
I'm very sorry you lost your dad. Hang in there, take it one day at a time. You should be very proud of your accomplishments with the discus and with your business.
Hope to see you soon.
Ardan

[alan1]

Hang in there Doug:

My prayers are with you. My mother went through an extremely difficult time when her mother died. She is better now; the adage that "time heals all wounds" is definitely valid. She no longer has the grief. She misses her mother of course, but over time is able to think of her with a smile, rather than with sadness.

Alan

[Kindredspirit]

Doug~

I read your thread then I had to leave to pick up my daughter from school ~ but i was thinking about you ~

I agree with Kacey, babe ~ Do you realize what courage it took to reveal something so personal? It does take a real man to admit anything such as you did ~ I am glad that I shined a little sunshine on you and thank you for the compliment ~

I want to thank you for helping me and being there ~ we instantly bonded for some reason ~

I am sorry about your Father, Doug ~ sometimes I miss my mom so much I can hardly breathe ~

~ We are all stronger than we know ~ I try to believe that God never gives us anymore that we can handle....but sometimes life gets in the way and we can lose sight of that real fast ~ this I know ~~

I know you will find what you lost ~ I have no doubt about that ~

....And when you do, Doug, the fine folks of Simply will be here~


Marie~ http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/16/16_4_10.gif

[pcsb23]

Doug,

My sincerest respect to you sir and I do hope you are not away too long. I do agree with your comments re Marie and Jarrod, a warmer heart is harder to find than theirs.

Marie, what can I say?? bless you is the best I can do.

Paul.

[Doug A]

Thank you all for you're kind words! Reading you're response's lightened my heart and mind this morning.

After posting this I felt a bit foolish for doing so. Whats done is done. I figured it might be good therapy for me to vent out a bit and it was. I felt a little better. When my wife came home I talked with her about how I've been feeling, and that helped a bit more. Yesterday was just a bad day to top off a bad week.

I'll be back soon. Just having a bit of trouble interacting with people. I've got a lot of things to sort out and need to get control of my life.

Thank you again,

[Jarrod]

Doug....you have no need to feel foolish my friend...a loss like that is traumatic to anyone. The mere fact that you were able to tell us these things to me speaks volumes of your courage and the inner strengths that you have. I know from personal experience what it's like to combat depression without resorting to drugs or alcohol (like yourself the occasional beer to take the ege off)...please rest assured that we ALL care and deeply I might add for you as one a friend and one of us...
All my best to you.
Jarrod

[brewmaster15]

Hey Doug,
Don't sweat it! C'mon on up and we'll interact over a homebrew by the Discus. Its good to talk about these things...

I came so close to losing my dad 2 years ago that I think I know a fraction of what you are feeling...No wheres near I am sure...But I can listen.

Take care,
and give me a call if you want.

-al

[AmberC]

Doug,
I'm so sorry you have been having such a hard time. I hope that things will get better for you and you will be in my thoughts and prayers. I have some family members that deal with depression all the time. In their case.. they were born with it. Its tough. Please dont be afraid to talk to someone if it comes down to it hun. I've seen what can happen. I'm not saying.. go see a dr.. I'm saying even if its just a close friend or relative. Just to get things off your chest. I know with my family members it makes all the difference sometimes.

Good luck to you Doug and I hope to see you back around soon.
Amber

[lora]

Doug: Depression is nothing to apologize for, it is a chemical imbalance in your brain, a medical condition that can be treated with medication. The death of your Father may have triggered it. Please go see your Doctor and find someone that you can confide in who is a good listener. Talking really does help. Hope you feel better soon.

[traco]

Doug, don't feel foolish for posting. Look at the response you got! It helps to talk and sometimes you get some insight from it. Have you talked to your doctor or someone close to you? Have you tried medication to help you? And it is true about depression being a chemical imbalance. There is so much info and help out there for you.

You are not alone.:)

[Suzanne]

When my Dad died a few years ago it was ... well words can't describe it...
life changing is an understatement... a pain in your soul that is indescribable...
listen to your self and do what ever it is you need to do ...

[Doug A]

I am deeply touched by all of your kind words and support!
Talking about this does help a bit, but until I solve the problems that are popping up it keeps coming back. Sometimes I think it's easier talking about it here with strangers.. strangers isn't right cause I feel as though I know some of you by reading your posts, lets say distant acquaintances, then it is talking with family and close friends. Maybe because people that aren't close aren't directly burdened by it.

On Sunday I decided I needed to get out of the house for a bit, thinking a change of scenery would do some good. My wife and I hopped in the car and took a road trip to visit my best friend that recently moved out to PA. It was good to see him and his family again.

I'm on an emotional roller coaster right now. I go from being happy to sad to angry to just being a zombie with no emotions whatsoever. It's very confusing. I did some research on depression and treatments for it. Forget about medications. Most Anti-depressants cause sexual side effects. Thats the last thing I need right now.

Thanks for listening and for your support,

[Jarrod]

Doug...glad to see you back! And hope it did help some...I know how hard it is to open up to people even those that are family or what I term close friends. But my friend I do know what you are going thru and how you must be feeling...I know that no one can feel or truly know exactly since they are not you and not in exactly the same set of circumstances as you either. If you'd feel more comfortable please give me a PM..But in any case Doug...I don't have all the answers or anything like that...all I can offer is my friendship and understanding in the respect that I myself am going through almost an identical portion in my life...maybe not identical but one that parallels yours. And when I say I truly care my friend that comes from the heart.
Jarrod

[Kindredspirit]

Hey You!


Gosh it is good to see you posting, Doug ... I have been thinking of you much ~ My grandmother use to say that lots of water and exercise, tons of it, cures anything ~I run mainly to clear my head and I do my best thinking and pondering at that time ~ plus it builds stamina for me as I have a crazy job ~

Doug, do not make me come there! Here, let me say that again....do not make me come there! lol!! Hey listen do not be afraid to take advantage of all the counseling services and Meds out there available to you ~ The teens I work with, well, I hate to counsel them if they werent on their meds ~ there are so many choices that wouldnt have the side effects you are trippin about ~ Please check em out ~ I do know that at some of the worst moments of my life ~ saying the Lord's Prayer ~ always...always gave me a little bit more strength and hope ~

We are at a time where we do not have to deal with this type of illness alone ~ talking is good....and ya know where I am .....but ultimately you may have to seek professional help ~ and then of course....


oodles of water and 10 miles a day and SIMPLY!



Besides....I need you here ~ to help me with all my crazy shyt ~


Marie ~ http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/11/11_12_16.gif

[AmberC]

Doug,
I know what you mean about talking about things here! I feel the same way. Hey.. I just wanted to tell you that there ARE some medications that you could go on temporarily that aren't as "strong" as the other depression meds. One in particular that I have used is Celexa. My dr gave me this for post partum depression about a year after having my first baby. It did help and I didn't have to take it for that long. You should talk to your dr. Even though they are not sychiatrists (ok I spelled that wrong) they can still put you on meds to help you thru a difficult time. And there are several out there that are "lesser" strength like the celexa if that particular one does not work for you. I never had any sexual side effects from the celexa, but also remember that just because that is said to be one of the side effects, everyones body reacts differently to different medications and you may not be affected in this fashion.

Your still in my thoughts and prayers hun.
Amber

[traco]

Some of the older anti-depressants aren't as bad for the sexual side effects. And there are a couple of the new ones that are also not bad. And, and it's a big AND, what works for one, does not always work for another. There is a lot to choose from and even low doses may help you, like Amber said.

Don't let the side effects scare you, it may not have that effect on you. You will be amazed how things look once you find the "right" fit for you.

[Doug A]

Yes I'm back! Well partially anyway. I will mostly be reading posts and posting when I can. I couldn't stay away from simply. Starting this thread and reading all of your response's has greatly helped in lifting my spirits.

The last post I made on this thread took me almost 2 hours to get out of my head and onto the computer. Most of the time I have so many thoughts running through my mind that it's hard for me to concentrate enough to get any words out. (and have them make sense at the same time) I just got out of the hot tub so I am quite relaxed for the moment.

As far as meds are concerned.... I know that not everybody experiences the side effects. My comments about them having sexual side effects was an attempt at humor. Maybe a lame one, but an attempt none the less. I'm actually against the use of meds unless they are the only option or every other option has been tried. I guess I should just say I use meds as a last resort.

[traco]

Okay, St. John's Wort, Tryptophan, 5-HTP, look those up, they can help with mild depression.

[Doug A]

Thanks Barb!

I'll look into those. I've heard of St. Johns wort before. I think I've seen it at the grocery store. Isn't Tryptophan the stuff in turkey that makes you sleepy?

[traco]

Yep, same thing. Here we have to get a prescription, don't know what it's like down in the States. Health food store maybe?

[Kindredspirit]

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/7/7_5_141.gif (<Doug)

[AmberC]

I know someone whos done st. johns wort. She seemed to be pleased with the results. I actually looked into it myself, but there were some things with that one, like your not supposed to spend too much time out in the sun. Says so on the bottle. Thats the only one I can remember right now and its the reason why I didn't try it. I am a total outdoors person. I spend as much time as I possibly can in the sun.

Doug.. I totally didn't catch onto the joke, but now that I look back at it... lol Sorry.

And just one more thing I feel I have to say. I know exactly how you feel about not wanting to use medications. I am the same way. I hate medications. If you were to stick 10 meds in front of me, 9 of them would make me sick.. and I'd get thru all 9 before I found #10 that worked with my body.
BUT... I have also seen first hand what depression can do to a person. I sat back and watched if for a long time. I still see the effects a lot. I told you that I have some family members with depression. Well, they are close family members. I've seen a lot over the years. One of these fam members sometimes wont take her meds. The difference is instantanious. And then once she starts taking them again.. she cant even REMEMBER things that she did while she was not on the meds. I'm not trying to push you into taking medication. Its your decision whatever you decide to do, but you mention you have a tough time even thinking straight. For me.. even though I hate meds with a passion, I would rather be able to think straight and be able to work thru the problems, then to suffer so much. I hope that you do not take any offence to anything I said. It just comes from seeing my loved ones suffer so greatly over the years, I just dont want to see you suffer, or those around you, like my family did.
Amber

[Doug A]

No offense taken Amber. I appreciate the advice. I'm an outdoors person too. If it were warmer I would go canoeing on the Delaware river or go camping for the weekend to help clear my mind. The campground I go to is great. Not very crowded, and it's the type of place you can take your watch off, empty your pockets and forget that the world exists. Swing or nap in a hammock, spend hours walking around and fishing the 2 acre pond, sit and stare at the campfire while drinking an ice cold beer. AHHHHHHHH!!!!

I did a bit of research on tryptophan last night and found out some interesting facts that could explain why I was in a good mood last night and my head was clearer then it's been in weeks.

Around 3:30 yesterday afternoon I ate about 1/3 of a small bag of roasted peanuts while watching TV. Just sat there cracking open the shells and munching on the peanuts. What I found out is that Turkey is not the only food that contains Tryptophan... Yup you guessed it. Peanuts, among other foods, contains tryptophan. My head stayed fairly clear for about 24 hours and I was much more energetic then I have been. I started getting that numb feeling back around 3:00pm today. I'm gonna go to the store and get a BIG bag of roasted peanuts tonight.http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/12/12_4_66.gif

On Saturday I'm going to GNC to get 5-HTP or L-tryptophan if I can find it. The FDA banned L-tryptophan about a week before Prozac was released. Coincidence or conspiracy???? The ban was partially lifted a few years later.

[pcsb23]

Doug,

Good to see you back. Fronting this up takes guts, for that you've got my admiration. Its a personal choice to use or not use meds. A real close friend of mine got diagnose with clinical depression. Brought on by him becoming a late breakin diabetic. To this day he hasn't faced the fact that he is diabetic!. His clinician recommended vigourous physical exercise along with other things. I've always been active and so used to "train" with him, go runing, go the gym etc. Whilst he took part in the exercise there was a noticable improvement in the stability of his moods and demeanor. He told me that his whole approach to ife was much more "ordered" (his words not mine). Sadly from my point of view he moved away, when I last spoke with him he was back to square 1. What I'm really trying to say is that during your illness (and that is what it is) hard physical excecise helps. The only side effects are better physical shape and health!

I live in England, when I was younger (I've got a good memory :D ) I played cricket in the summer and rugby in the winter. I used to be a fast bowler and opened the bowling, the captain of the side I payed for would decide if we batted first or bowled first depending on my mood. If I was stressed we bowled. Hard physical excercise gets rid of stress, one of the biggest contributors to depression.

In the early 70's I was in the Royal Air Force, during training we coined a phrase "nil illegitimii carborundum" sound like latin but isn't - translates to Don't let the ba**ar*s grind you down!! Kept us going when things were tough!!

Take care,

[Doug A]

Several years ago I went thru some major life changes and found out then that exersise helps with stress.
Once I get to the point where my mind isn't draining my energy I'm going to start exercising. Now that the weather is getting warmer I'll go for walks, go on a nice hike in the woods, etc...

[Doug A]

I started taking St. John's wort last week. It has helped. My mood has been much improved. I didn't take any on Friday or Saturday morning because I was going to get the 5-HTP on Sat. and didn't want the 2 interacting. Well, Saturday was a down day. I should have taken some in the morning. I finally got a chance to go to GNC tonight and got some of the 5-HTP. The St. John's wort sometimes makes me dizzy.

Thank you so much for your help and support,