I知 tired of...
I知 tired of being hurt. I知 tired of waking up and waiting for someone to
call me who cares about me and how I知 feeling instead of calling and caring
about others. I知 tired of taking on the burdens of everyone else to try
and make them feel better and bring myself down. I知 tired of taking ****
from my friends. Tired of being treated like **** because they think they
can do that to me. I知 tired of broken promises, broken hearts, and broken
families on Holidays. I知 tired of people who are selfish and think they
can stomp on the lives of others and get away with it scott free. I知 tired
of being left out of fun social events. I知 tired of being the girl who
people hate because my parents have money. I知 tired of watching my best
friend get sucked into all the evil in the world. I知 tired of sitting on
my *** and letting people walk all over me. I知 tired of acting like a
Christian, when really deep down inside I struggle more than I can
comprehend. I知 tired of having a boyfriend just so I feel like I知 loved
by someone. I知 tired of being who he wants
me to be. I知 sick of letting him get away with everything. I知 sick of
acting like nothing is wrong and letting people get away with hurting my
feelings. I知 sick of acting like a ***** at times when I feel like being
one, then getting **** for it by others. I知 sick of fighting over petty things. I知 sick of being the last
on the minds of others. I知 sick of dreaming, when I know my dreams won稚
come true. I知 sick of making decisions and reaping the consequences. I知
sick of holding in all my pain and sorrow. I知 sick of wearing a mask to
the world. I知 sick of lying in my bed at night crying myself to sleep.
I知 sick of playing with the face of death. I知 sick of throwing away my
dreams because of stupid mistakes. And of course I知 sick of myself...
Ok no one on this forum or anyone else for that matter would know that anything is wrong with me. I feel like I know you guys personally and I can post this because even though I know you, I feel safe beacause I am not just coming out and saying it to my family. I look perfectly fine on the outside, try to put on a happy face, go along with school, recieve good grades and honors, have college and carrer plans, go to work every day and get praise for my work ethic, take care of hobbies and play sports, and regularly attend church. All of those thing aside, I feel unfullfilled, I can only blame it on one thing. Many would just say "your young, love will come" or "take your time, life is not going anywhere." I'm sick of having a boyfriend who cheats or lies and then having him break up with me over an istant message program and then saying "i gotta go my friend just showed up" and then leaving me there to soak the keyboard with tears. And i hate that I let this happen even though i knew he was nothing for me. why can't I find any good ones that like me for me. I'm not some tall blonde who weighs 110 pounds and has green eyes. But i would like to think I have amazing things to offer someone and I hate that i cannot find someone who can see that.
I just needed to vent really really bad, and i'm sorry for any cuss words, they just came out and were best suited for the occasion.
thanks for listening
I love you guys,
kim