feeling down

[ReeferKimberly]

I’m tired of...
I’m tired of being hurt. I’m tired of waking up and waiting for someone to
call me who cares about me and how I’m feeling instead of calling and caring
about others. I’m tired of taking on the burdens of everyone else to try
and make them feel better and bring myself down. I’m tired of taking ****
from my friends. Tired of being treated like **** because they think they
can do that to me. I’m tired of broken promises, broken hearts, and broken
families on Holidays. I’m tired of people who are selfish and think they
can stomp on the lives of others and get away with it scott free. I’m tired
of being left out of fun social events. I’m tired of being the girl who
people hate because my parents have money. I’m tired of watching my best
friend get sucked into all the evil in the world. I’m tired of sitting on
my *** and letting people walk all over me. I’m tired of acting like a
Christian, when really deep down inside I struggle more than I can
comprehend. I’m tired of having a boyfriend just so I feel like I’m loved
by someone. I’m tired of being who he wants
me to be. I’m sick of letting him get away with everything. I’m sick of
acting like nothing is wrong and letting people get away with hurting my
feelings. I’m sick of acting like a ***** at times when I feel like being
one, then getting **** for it by others. I’m sick of fighting over petty things. I’m sick of being the last
on the minds of others. I’m sick of dreaming, when I know my dreams won’t
come true. I’m sick of making decisions and reaping the consequences. I’m
sick of holding in all my pain and sorrow. I’m sick of wearing a mask to
the world. I’m sick of lying in my bed at night crying myself to sleep.
I’m sick of playing with the face of death. I’m sick of throwing away my
dreams because of stupid mistakes. And of course I’m sick of myself...

Ok no one on this forum or anyone else for that matter would know that anything is wrong with me. I feel like I know you guys personally and I can post this because even though I know you, I feel safe beacause I am not just coming out and saying it to my family. I look perfectly fine on the outside, try to put on a happy face, go along with school, recieve good grades and honors, have college and carrer plans, go to work every day and get praise for my work ethic, take care of hobbies and play sports, and regularly attend church. All of those thing aside, I feel unfullfilled, I can only blame it on one thing. Many would just say "your young, love will come" or "take your time, life is not going anywhere." I'm sick of having a boyfriend who cheats or lies and then having him break up with me over an istant message program and then saying "i gotta go my friend just showed up" and then leaving me there to soak the keyboard with tears. And i hate that I let this happen even though i knew he was nothing for me. why can't I find any good ones that like me for me. I'm not some tall blonde who weighs 110 pounds and has green eyes. But i would like to think I have amazing things to offer someone and I hate that i cannot find someone who can see that.

I just needed to vent really really bad, and i'm sorry for any cuss words, they just came out and were best suited for the occasion.
thanks for listening
I love you guys,
kim

[paulmat]

Kim
Don't be so down,the most important person to rely on is yourself. You can't count on to many people and that only becomes even moreso as you become an adult.You are a very together young lady with so much cool stuff ahead of you. Just remember that only you can make yourself happy,it comes from within.
Of course you can always seek a little comfort from your friends,and fellow discus lovers like me.
Heres a smile and a hug from me to you. ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D .

Paul

[ReeferKimberly]

I know that i have to rely on myself. But the world makes being in love looks so wonderful, and i even thought i had that once. I found out it was false, I was immature and chasing something that didn't exist. Has anyone gone invisible on an im program and then comeback and wait for someone you like to instant message you, and when they don't, go invisible again, and repeat about 10 times er so? cuz i have, it meant nothing, it went on for months, and finally i realized I didn't even mean half as much to him as he did to me. This may sound stupid, childish, petty, or a handful of other words, and to tell you the truth, i feel a little stupid typing it. But when i was younger everyone said wait, you will meet someone soon enough, well that was years ago and i havn't met anyone. Many people always said they met their partners in highschool. Well i only have two months to go, and nothing, nada, zip. when is it gonna come along? i'm sure i'll hear, don't worry you will in college, or on the work force. well if i have to wait that long i think i'm gonna go crazy! thanks for listening again, still venting, and thank you Paul for those kind words.
still love you guys,
kim :-*

Kim

The things that are happening in your life right now...and in the future is what's going to define what "love" really is and means to you...its full of trials, tribulations, fall flat on your face moments....its a learning process that never REALLY ends. Even when you've found it (or think you have) the hurt doesnt stop there...it just gets less and less as we learn what it is...whats important to us...and how much we're willing to accept and give.
And as Paul said....first and formost...you need to be happy and content with who YOU are and what YOU want before anyone else can make you happy.
Dont be in such a rush girl....your what?...16? You have ALOT of living and learning to do yet....lifes experiences are just starting to come at ya...some good, some bad....but they're experiences that you NEED to have to make you a whole person....
From my own experience....I spent a total of 16 years with my "highschool sweetheart"...had three awsome kids with her...house... cars... yadda yadda yadda...all held together with ******** and lies. We THOUGHT we were in love with each other, and actually believed that we were.
But now....nearly two years after the dust has settled...I think we both realize...that we never were "in love" with each other....sure, we loved each other....but thats not the same as being "In love"
Why/how did this happen...simple. We started out WAY to young...neither of us had enough "life experiences" under our belts....we didnt know "**** from shinola" let alone what love REALLY was....we learned the hard way.

Dont get in a rush Kim....when you rush, ultimately you fail.
Ive read lots of your posts...you seem to have a good head on your shoulders...keep it there! Think straight and make good decisions for YOURSELF, and life will fall into place on its own.

Tony
ps....dont ever think that because this is a discus forum that you should feel silly for saying the things you did. Lots of people come and go here....but there are LOTS of good people here...lots of good friends....

[Mat]

It takes alot of courage to be as open as you have been, i wont patronise you and say things are always going to be easier they wont be, but if your willing to give yourself time life has a habit of balancing out, be strong dont take crap if you dont want to but be constructive.

[mench]

Kim,yes you are young and you don't want to hear all the "older" people tell ya...WAIT...things really DO get better,and when "Mr. Right" comes along,you will know...Both my daughters are now grown and are starting familes of thier own,but I remember how it was when they were growing up...the older one is married to her high school,well grade school sweet heart,he is from the neighborhood and the went to grade school together and I remember my daughter telling us way back then that she was going to marry him when she got older,we just said Yea Right and thought nothing about it,well now they have been married for 6 yr. and we have a great 3 yr old grand son.
The younger girl was hell on wheels,no steady boy,she said she couldn't find one,did all the wrong things,did the club thing and all the things that go along with it...she was miserable most of the time ...Well she too found her soul mate,yea it took a lot longer than her sister but it will happen.
Kim,ya need to focus on the things that are going to be good for you..Family,first and most important,don't be afraid to talk to your folks...you may think they don't know or won't understand your problems...but you may be pleasantly suprised..As I told my younger one when she said.."you guys don't know how it is "..Well I told her that most likley there wasn't anything that she is doing or has done that her mom and I haven't done or worse..So give the folks a try.
Also don't rush to have the "true Love" ...it will come,it may take time but it will..took me till after I got out of the Air Force and was 21...
Just feel good about yourself,don't listen to so called friends that don't stand up for ya..If your current boy friend is a rat.tell him to hit the highway and don't come back....
You have a lot of friends on the boards,even if ya can't see them in person,so if ya want to vent in public or just want to send an e-mail to shoot the **** for a while ..feel free....
Just DON'T get down on yourself......
Well thats my ole guy lecture for now ..and don't roll your eyes,that was always a must thing to say to my daughters LOL.

Hang in there kiddo

Mench

[brewmaster15]

Kim,
When I was your age, I felt as you, and even now, 20 years later, I still feel like that about many things. It doesn't get easier as you get older, you just learn to get used to dealing with it and realize these things aren't what counts. Its not the pain,heartache, confusion, and anger that counts. That all passes... what counts is what you do have, and who YOU are.
What do you like to do Kim, do you have hobbies, favorite kinds of books to read, enjoy a sunny day, hiking, camping, surfing the net..dreaming? Do you have family that love you and do you love them. Focus on these things, and all else will fall in place, not because they are some magic cure all, but because if you focus on these things, the bad stuff just doesn't matter. Live for Kim, and never change who you are for anyone, and you will do fine , and you will find what is really important to you...or it will find you.

Personally... I am glad you found this site and like the way you participate here. You strike me as a very caring and considerate person. Thank you for being who you are!

now ... smile...deep breath... and enjoy Life. Its a truelly wonderful thing when you look real close at it!

-al

[SLY]

don't worry some day you will find your Mr Right which will worth all the wait. Better than Mr 9.9 ;D :P ;D

[EthanCote.com]

Hey Kim,

These are great advices you have received so far. They are spoken with love and experience.

But I'll add a few of my own.

Rule One: Time heal all.

Rule Two: Lose the loser of a bf. Cut your loss and set yourself free. You do not need someone to make you whole or feel whole. This you have to do yourself. If you are not happy inside than no one can every make you happy, that is a fact. Ofcourse they can do it temporarly but eventually you will fall down to your low again.

It appears there are several issues going on in your life, one of which is to find "true love" or "mr. right". There is nothing wrong with wanting love, we all do, but you need to love and respect yourself first before true love really comes. Don't know why but that's part of life I suppose.

I'm one that strongly believes that things happen for a reason and in your case, there is a life experience to learn from this. Learn that he is not good and right for you and drop him and move on. You deserve better than this, you know you do.

I know it is always easier to give advice and much harder to take them. But deep down inside you already know what you need to do. Follow your heart and just know that with time, it heals all. It really does. I have been in your shoe and I'm sure lots of others have as well.

And right now, yer still young and will probably don't think you will get over him or find true love, let me tell you. You will!!! That is a 100% fact with 100% back up guranteed. But you will need to heal yourself first and place yourself on the right track. Let time heal you.

I have always believe that true love will find you when you least expect it. Its like Serendipity. (That is a great film by the way, rent it if you haven't seen it). So let things happen naturally and don't force it. Enjoy life. You are still so young. There is so much to do and experience. And the good news is that you can do this all alone, with families, or with good friends.

Don't be in a state that you think you need someone to make you happy or whole, cuz you don't. Make yourself whole and the rest will fall into place.


Cheerio,

Chi.

PS: Now go and do a WC young girl

[henryD]

Everyone here has given some great advice and I will not bore you by repeating it.

Instead I will tell you a little about my story.

My parents had a little rule. No dating until out of school. At first I hated it. Alot of my friends were couples and it made it really tough to hang out. I always felt left out. So I kept myself busy. I took sports, went skiing, read alot, kept fish, and a numbers of other things. In the end it help me find myself. I learn about who I was and what made me happy. I think it also made me a very well rounded person. (no fat jokes please, although they would apply) When I finally found someone in college (I was 21), I felt very comfortable being in a relationship. I was an individual in a relationship. I was not the relationship. Alot of people around me were busy trying to mold people or were being mold into things they were not. They were getting lost and very unhappy. In the end my rela did not work out. But I moved on and now I have a great wife. My wife and I have times where we do our on things and it is great. I don't have to be around constantly and try to make her happy. She is not co-dependant on me and I am not of her. So be SELFISH and learn about yourself.

Also there was a great article recently sort of about these things...

http://www.startribune.com/stories/1405/3759686.html

[Lil_Beth]

Hello Kim.......

Everyone has given you excellent advice.....

I totally understand where you are coming from. I myself am only 19 and I have already formed the conclusion that all men are DOGS....(sorry guys don't be offended), but you can't let that get in your way. It takes time, but we all find true happiness someday. I look at it like this, "It doesn't get any worse than this!"

I used to worry about guys and what they meant to me and that got me into a real bad situation.....I'm 19, Pregnant, still in highschool, jobless, and to top it all off he is nowhere around and I'm dealing with this all by myself....It really doesn't get any worse...., but just when I thought my world was coming apart I realized that I still had my mom. She was in a similar situation when she was my age and she is fine and I think I turned out o.k. The most important thing to know at this point in time is that there is always someone to talk to...(may or may not be family)...just as long as it is an ear or shoulder for that matter.

Oh yeah.....you sound very mature for you age, just as I am and maybe it's not you... It's them....I sometimes takes a little longer for guys to grow up. I have learned to live one day at a time and not to take what guys say too seriously.
For most guys our age " I LOVE YOU", means I think your hott or something like that. As women we must go on as if it means nothing until they have proven it. I love you is not something that can just be said. It has to be expressed.

Best Wishes and Good Luck with everything....

Courtney

[Ryan]

As a young guy I'll post my take on all of this...

If you're in high school, or even college, and looking for true love, you can probably put that idea back on the shelf for a while. I'm not making a blanket statement about all young guys, but most are not ready for a deep and committed relationship. Why? They're young. They want to have fun. They want those life experiences that everyone in this thread has talked about. They want to party and hang out with friends and enjoy their youth.

Why are they different than girls? Well, they just are. They have different feelings and emotions and different ways of conveying those. Their priorities are often different. Most teenage guys don't want to get heavily involved in a relationship or start a family and for good reason -- most of them are not ready.

I read somewhere that guys aren't even completely finished with puberty until they're like 25 -- what does that tell you?

I know some very committed people, both guys and girls, who are my age and slightly younger. But in my experience they are few and far between. I don't date and I never have. Why? Because I'm 20. I want to finish school, enjoy my hobbies, spend time with my friends. Relationships come and go but friendships last forever. Or at least that's my take on it. I am happy with my life and with the people around me. That's what most people our age should be focusing on. You have a whole lifetime to fall in love and find "Mr. Right" and you're just getting started at 16... so why rush into it?

Ryan

[brewmaster15]

Hey Lil_beth!

I myself am only 19 and I have already formed the conclusion that all men are DOGS....(sorry guys don't be offended),

.. I resent that! ;D ;D ;D ;D

Not all men are Dogs! Some of us try very hard not to use fire hydrants, and Howl at the moon only on camping trips. WE strive to walk on 2 legs with dignity and not going running around with the pack all the time.!!!!

But ... for those of us that are dogs... Dogs can be very loyal friends, when treated right. ;D ;D ;D ;D but both you and Kim, need to remember to stay away from the bad dogs.... you can't teach them new tricks.
-al

[discuskrib]

first, anyone that believes ALL men are dogs MUST also know that ALL women are *****es

....neither of these statements are what i believe and i certainly hope everyone can see what is wrong with blanket statements like these.

second, for people under 20 "i love you" ~usually~ means "i think you are hot" regardless of gender

until people reach their early 20s almost everything about them is changing, especially their opinions and the people they are dating from month to month.

THINGS YOU CAN DO if you want to change the direction your life is going in right now:

1. join a club (maybe an aquarium club, scouts/guides, drama)
2. take up a sport, evening just walking
3. call up 3 people (guys or girls, not looking for dates here)
and make a plan to get together and watch a movie, make a pizza, play monopoly or even have an water balloon fight
4. take an interest course at a local college (good place to meet new people)
5. next time you are waiting in line make an attempt to learn something about the person behind you ..or start by just saying hello with a big smile.
6. whenever you meet someone ALWAYS try to compliment him/her after shaking hands even if you just say you like her shoes.
7. if you are single ask out one of the nerdier people you know for a date. doesn't mean you have to go on a second date (be up front that you plan on dating a few people) but most importantly make this person feel special (even if you don't think he is). now find someone else to go on your next date with and make him/her feel special on that date too
8. GET OFF THE COMPUTER

good luck
Dave

[DISCUS USA]

hi kim,you must be feeling better by now (TIME HEALS ALL)100 % true.you are young and should not be looking for long term relationships,at your age i was haveing fun hanging out with friends ,none of us were concerned with mr or mrs right,just have fun with life as you go.Anyways most young people until the age of about 29 are more concerned with bettering their careers or getting ahead in life.Haveing a longterm person on your side will slow your goals in life.Not putting down long term relationships :-*.Have fun ,get tough.